


Travelling North to Find You

by yikesola



Series: Renee's Very Own Bingo Card [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Early Days, M/M, oct19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27083068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola
Summary: Dan is tweeting nonsense, because what else is he supposed to do? Be alone with his thoughts for the next three and a half hours as the train he’s sat on makes its way to Manchester? Not a chance. Because he knows what that spiral looks like.A fic about nerves and travel.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: Renee's Very Own Bingo Card [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976617
Comments: 13
Kudos: 51





	Travelling North to Find You

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of [cal](http://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com) and [keelin](http://ahappydnp.tumblr.com) graciously providing me with my very own bingo card! <3  
> 💙Bingo Squares: Oct19, Train

Dan is tweeting nonsense, because what else is he supposed to do? Be alone with his thoughts for the next three and a half hours as the train he’s sat on makes its way to Manchester? Not a chance. 

Because he knows what that spiral looks like. It’s the same spiral he’s been having all week leading up to today where he’s finally, _finally_ , going to meet Phil in person.

It looks like _this is a mistake_ and _you’re gonna fuck this whole thing up_ and _there’s no way he feels the same, stop trying to fool yourself_ — which completely contradicts the overtly flirtatious tone he and Phil have had for weeks and the fact that Phil was the one who asked if he wanted to come up north. It completely contradicts that there isn’t even anything to fuck up. Not yet. Not explicitly. Just an idea. Just a craving. 

He fiddles with his fringe as an automatic nervous habit. He’s desperately hoping not to nervously sweat enough that his careful straightening of his hobbit hair all comes undone. 

At least it’s October. 

He likes that it’s October. He likes that he isn’t such a sweaty mess at night when he and Phil Skype for hours and that his brother is back in school so he doesn’t have to worry about being overheard during the day if he actually keeps up this making YouTube videos thing. He likes that if he actually has the impossible luck to end up sleeping in Phil’s bed, he can use the autumn chill as an excuse to snuggle up a little closer. 

Maybe he won’t need an excuse. Maybe Phil will want him closer, maybe he’ll be the one snuggling in and holding him tight.

Dan sighs and presses his head against the window for a moment before the rattling is too much for him. There he goes again. Dreaming up a wonderful scenario that is too good to ever actually happen to him. 

He’s always doing that.

The moment before he heads out for a party he always imagines he’ll wind up enjoying himself and kissing someone that doesn’t make him feel like a fraud after and drinking just the right amount to feel young and alive. Instead, there’s always a moment where the ambient noise of the room seems to amplify and the drink in his hand is empty and there are people all around him but he’s startlingly, terrifyingly, achingly alone. 

He does the same thing with music festivals and with making internet friends, and he’s doing it right now. Imagining that this visit with Phil is going to be anything other than two friends meeting, hanging out, filming a video, saying goodbye. 

And he’s a little pissed off at himself for thinking that isn’t good enough. 

Phil is his best friend. 

He’s never fucking had one of those. 

Isn’t three days spent laughing with his best friend good enough? It won’t be the end of the world if nothing happens. Dan’s never gotten the rom-com treatment; why would it start now? 

-

The bus ride into town feels impossibly long, but Phil is perfectly aware of the fact that Dan’s ride is a million times longer. Roughly. Maybe half a million. He’s never been great at maths. 

Still, the windows have got that early morning condensation and he feels shielded from the green hills turning to stone buildings as they drive along. He wishes they weren’t, kinda wants the distraction. Anything to keep him from thinking too long about all the many things that could go wrong in the next few days. 

He crosses his shaking hands and tries to derail that spiral before it happens. 

The well familiar spiral about how Dan has only recently properly ended things with his girlfriend and how he isn’t exactly comfortable thinking about labels and how, sure, he’s said he likes blokes but that doesn’t mean for sure that he likes _Phil_. He doesn’t want to spiral about Dan being so much younger, about Dan’s home life being so different from what Phil has experienced, about the twisting feeling in his gut Phil gets when he wanks to one of Dan’s nakedbooths— the twisting feeling that says surely Dan posted that for this specific reason… their flirtatious banter definitely implies that? But also it’s just as likely Phil’s a fucking creep and he’ll have to be on his best behaviour while Dan’s here because it might be a little too easy to take advantage of him considering how much Dan says he likes his YouTube videos. And fuck… Phil really wouldn’t know what to do with the weight of the guilt if he did something wrong. 

It’s why he tidied Martyn’s room before heading out. It’s why he threw a clean sheet over the couch in his room. It’s why he looked at himself in the mirror while straightening his hair and said decidedly that he wasn’t going to say anything _more_ than has already been said. 

They’re friends. Mates. Best friends. 

It’s going to be a good visit. Even if he has to bite his tongue the whole time. 

-

Dan is staring at the _Kerrang!_ pages but not actually taking in any of the words. He sees photos of guitars and ties and messy eyeliner, but no more detail than that. He’s just hovering with so much excitement and nerves and trying his best to keep it inside. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He sees Phil’s name and reads the text, _Tell the train to hurry up!!!_

_i’m 15 minutes away dork XD_ , he texts back. 

_Fine -__- will continue to resist the urge to get a coffee and keep waiting_

_putting hachiko to shame lol thx for waiting_

_ <3 _

Dan stares at the heart Phil sent for the rest of the train ride. He can’t stop reading too much into it and scolding himself for doing so. 

He thinks maybe a heart can be just a fucking heart. He thinks about all the different times he and Phil have tossed less-than-threes at each other and wonders why it should be so crazy that Phil means the same thing as Dan does when he sends them. 

Then the sound of the rushing air around them shifts, and the train is beginning to slow down, and the other passengers around him begin to fold up their newspapers or grab their bags. 

He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans a final time before standing. 

He steps off the train and sees a tall head over the crowd, a face he’s seen a million times through a computer screen. He sees that smiling cupid’s bow and the tip of Phil’s tongue poking through his teeth and they shuffle towards each other. 

And that does it. He’s gonna kiss Phil before he goes home on Wednesday. He knows it— it’s just a matter of when.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading— come say hi on [tumblr](http://yikesola.tumblr.com/post/632331012520706048/calvinahobbes-and-ahappydnp-harnessed-my-whining) !


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